Mr Fibby – The Boris Johnson Mr Men Book Released

Who’s the UK’s biggest liar? For once, it’s not me. Right now, that honour goes to everyone’s favourite politician, Boris Johnson.

Last Saturday, I released a new zine, ‘Mr Fibby: The Prime Minister Who Couldn’t Stop Lying’. I also made a press release – I haven’t sent it to anyone yet.

What Is Mr Fibby?

Mr Fibby is a 48-page parody Mr Men book about Boris Johnson. It’s got significantly more professional (looking) images than my previous zines. They’re full colour, digital illustrations. It also has over 40 caricatures of Tory politicians and their pals, inspired by Mr Men & Little Miss.

Sexy, isn’t it?

Picture of 4 copies of British political zine, Mr Fibby, two showing the front cover, the other two showing the back cover

The zine tells the story of Mr Fibby, the biggest liar in Gullibleland. It’s about how his friends helped him lie to become Prime Minister, and then all the other lies that followed. It’s the reminder that no one needed about politicians – to get selected as an MP, you have to be a liar.

After receiving the prints, I was surprised. It looked quite authentic (like a Mr Men book). Prior to releasing it, in an uncharacteristic moment of optimism, I thought it would be such a smash that Roger Hargreaves would spring from his grave and sue me. Thankfully, I was wrong.

Still, if you want to learn more about the zine, make it an actual smash and force me to sell my kidneys, click here.

Mr Fibby Is Free To Download

Thanks to my need to be recognised as a rebel without a cause, I’ve released Mr Fibby for free on my website. You can download it now. Or better yet, you can indulge my lacklustre entrepreneurial efforts by buying a copy here.

Also, don’t worry if you’re intimidated by the content – even though it’s written for children. I also put together a handy guide that explains all of the political scandals referenced in the book.

I painstakingly compiled this list because I’m hoping that in the distant future, historians will unearth a torn copy, and I’ll get a very undeserved footnote in a very boring book about the carcinogens in 21st Century gloss laminated covers.

How’s It Going?

Mr Fibby is already stocked at Housmans Bookshop in Kings X. They’re really nice. Hopefully it’ll appear at other physical locations soon.

I might even send it to Waterstones if I can scratch together £35 to get an ISBN number. Right now, that’s looking like a pipe dream.

Why Did You Make Mr Fibby?

I made Mr Fibby because it’s been a very dry summer.

Following the tepid reception of my previous zine, the abstract mess of ‘Sue Gray’s Partygate Report’, I vowed to never make another pamphlet. As with smoking, I never stick to vows.

Here’s what inspired me.

At the beginning of July, I was sitting in my front room with a couple of people. I hadn’t been following the news, but both asked me who I thought would become the next Conservative Party Leader.

My attempts to disengage the conversation failed. I then asked them to clarify how the Conservative Party could be stupid enough to remove the man with such an inexhaustible ability to bounce back from a scandal. They didn’t offer any satisfactory answers. So, I curtly dismissed them, making an ass of myself by saying, ‘Boris Johnson IS the Prime Minister Who’ll Never Quit – he’ll be not running the country forever’.

I mean, he hasn’t stepped down yet, but I think I was wrong.

But it gave me an idea. A variation of the previous phrase, ‘The Prime Minister Who Just Wouldn’t Quit’, sounded like the title of a children’s book. So, the next day, shaking as a Metropolitan Line train chugged its way towards Zone 9, I conceived the first draft of Mr Fibby. As with all good things, it took about half an hour.

After that, all I had to do was learn how to mash shapes together in Adobe Illustrator.

Were You Jumping On The Little Miss Meme Trend?

I didn’t actually know that there was a Little Miss Meme trend until I posted the first picture of the zine on Instagram. Scrolling through Little Miss Notes App and their endless Little Miss Memes, I realised that my last three weeks of creative output was totally bankrupt.

Everyone would assume I’d copied the Little Miss Meme trend, even though I’m not cool enough to know what it is.

I also thought it was strangely coincidental. Someone more spiritual might suggest it was the result of a collective consciousness. However, I think Little Miss must have appeared in a recent advert that everyone’s forgotten about. But I digress.

Did You Make It Because You Hate Boris Johnson?

No. Not really. I think it’s a shame that he was forced to quit. His conduct over the last three years has been hilarious.

There’ll be no more speeches about Peppa Pig. No more denials about Ministers sexually harassing people. No more shaking hands. Well actually, I’m sure there’ll still be denials about Ministers sexually harassing people.

Anyway, don’t read me wrong here. It’s been nasty. I’m not a Government apologist.

But as Conservative Leadership Contest progresses, I think we’re already seeing how much worse we could have had it. Hopeful Liz Truss promises to cut public sector pay, while contender Rishi Sunak claims that he’s going to ‘re-educate’ everyone who hates the UK. Sounds kinky.

It’s really sickening how successfully courting the Conservative Party’s membership involves proving that if you weren’t a politician, you’d be known as the town’s biggest scumbag.

Do You Hate The UK?

I think the real question is, do you hate the UK?

I hear everyone who hates UK doesn’t buy a copy of Mr Fibby.

So how about it?

Peppa Pig’s Plan To Level Up Britain

Hands up who hates Peppa Pig! You all do?! Great.

Well thankfully, the obnoxious brat’s finally done something useful. She’s provided the trotters and snouts needed to make Britain ‘great again’. And no, that’s not in a Greggs sausage roll kind of way, despite flaky pastry being the closest thing we have to a national treasure.

It’s a relief, given the Prime Minister’s recent, rather honest admission that “No Whitehall civil servant could have conceivably come up with [a plan as good as] Peppa’s.” Perhaps forgetting that Peppa Pig is actually a cartoon for children conceived by the unwashed & unemployed (apparently anyway)

So it’s no wonder that Michael Gove’s new Department has drawn inspiration from the little swine’s theme park to set out exactly how they’re going to level up the UK. There’s a rumour that she even helped name his new department. Really? Well, who else but a pig would think the Department for Levelling Up would be responsible for anything but rubber stamping DnD character progression?

While I recognise that now would be a good time for a gammon joke, they’re as lazy as Daddy Pig, so make one up yourself (actually, how about, oh you Gammon? – I know, it’s funny. Don’t wet yourself).

What’s This About Boris Johnson Hiring Peppa Pig?

For anyone who missed it, this weekend the Prime Minister, Boris Johnson’s breaking announcement about his plans to remodel Britain in the image of Peppa Pig World. And what better place than the Confederation of British Industry’s weekend conference

So now it’s all out in the open, I thought I’d spill the beans. Don’t worry, I won’t get into trouble. Like all those other leaked announcements, everyone important already knows responsibility sits with Special Advisers or Dominic Cummings. 

What Is Peppa Pig World?

It’s a dreary theme park in Hampshire, where estranged single fathers take their teenage children to one up their former spouses. It’s also a beacon of hope and an architectural marvel, eclipsing the majesty of Great Yarmouth’s Merrivale Model Village.

Now that we’ve covered all the details, I bet you’re dying to know exactly what’s in store for Britain. 

Let’s dive into the trough and discover exactly how Peppa Pig’s going to change the course of British history.

Levelling Britain Up into a Pig Pen

Innovative, sensational & sexy. Here’s Peppa Pig’s Levelling Up Strategy: 

The Prime Minister’s ‘Policy’ Paper – ‘Peppa Pig’s Plan to Level Out Britain’, developed by lab rats at LUHC.
Officials tabbed it up for easier consumption

Right, so we’ve covered fishing disputes, covering up sleaze, mass transit projects, a way to send away the immigrants, a way to get everyone healthy, some stuff about space and a sanitised national anthem. Surely that’s enough experience for a level up?

Incredible that I wrote this tripe in half an hour.

What’s Going On?

I don’t know. However, it does seem like a better strategy to level up Britain than the current one. So maybe cut Boris a little slack. There’s no harm in talking about Peppa Pig at a business conference. I mean, had anyone in attendance managed to sell the rights to their crappy cartoon for £3.6 billion? No?